If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
