I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think my vagina is haunted
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
