Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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