You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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