Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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