oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
