So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just had sex on a roof
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
