you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
