my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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