my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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