my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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