half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Couch. On fire.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
