Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
