I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
