Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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