am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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