Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
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you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
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He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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