so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
