I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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