Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
