you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
