watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
