proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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