my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
