My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
