so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
