All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
