The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
