This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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