im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize