I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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