Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
