wake up i wanna do it froggy style
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
