I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
