We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
