dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
only if we run a train.
done.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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