A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
