definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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