sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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