No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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