His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
