I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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