mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
