Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
