So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
