It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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