I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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