I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
