We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize