fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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