the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
MIDGETS
????
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
