Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
