Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
