So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
