He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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