I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
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He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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