Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
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That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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