Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
