Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
