i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
