I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
