Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
