Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.