and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.