He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
