so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball