I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
