Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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