there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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