Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
