before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
