yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
