So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
