Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
last night I used snow as a chaser
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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