My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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