There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
