i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
