They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
